Twinky Fun
by NightingaleLost
Summary: Just a random thing I did for laughs. Think Kenny, Craig, Tweek, and the idea of porn. You know you're interested. XD
1. The Idea

XDDDD Believe me when I say, I'm having so much f-ing fun here, it should be illegal. Lol. Again, if you don't know what a twink is, go look it up. Don't click on any videos unless you're prepared!! XDDD

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, but if I did, this would definitely be one of the episodes.**

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**I. The Idea**

*

It was the laughter that drew his attention.

Craig was sitting behind the cafeteria, smoking a cigarette, lazily skipping his second period class. Kenny sat a little bit away from him, eyes glued to the screen of his iPod Touch. Craig wondered how he managed to get it; after all, wasn't he supposed to be the poorest kid in South Park?

But he had it anyway and he was laughing hysterically as he stared at the electronic device. Craig usually had no problems with Kenny. Both of them were easy, laid-back guys, albeit one talkative and one not, and Craig could always count on him for a cig when he ran out. But Craig liked to smoke in peace and Kenny was kinda ruining the mood.

He took it for as long as he could, but could finally ignore it no longer.

"Dude, Kenny, what the fuck are you laughing at?"

Kenny looked at him, surprised. He wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes. "Oh, man, I'm sorry. It's nothing, just ignore. I'll stop."

Craig gave him a slightly doubtful look but turned his attention back to the deathstick in his hand.

But two minutes later, Kenny was at it again. Loud laughter was flying out of the blonde's mouth as he held the iPod; almost bent over in uncontrollable hysteria.

"Goddammit, Kenny, I'm trying to have a fucking smoke here!" Craig snapped. "What the hell is so damn funny?!"

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Kenny wheezed, giggling. "Shit, Craig, I'm sorry...oh dammit, my stomach hurts."

Craig sighed. "Whatever." He tried to look over at the screen. "What the hell is making you laugh so much?"

Kenny angled it away. "Nothing, man, nothing. You wouldn't get it."

"If you can't shut up for more than two minutes, then it's got to be freakin' amazing, so hand it over."

Kenny gave him a long glance. "You sure?"

"Yes, dammit."

"Alright." The blonde shrugged, motioning for Craig to join him. Repressing a loud sigh, Craig scooted closer, taking one of the earbuds Kenny offered him. Taking a look at the screen, he frowned as the sounds of moaning filled his ear.

"You're laughing at...porn?" He looked at Kenny. "Why are you laughing at porn?"

Kenny grinned. "'Cuz it's fucking hilarious, that's why."

Craig just stared at him. "...I thought you got off on this shit, not laugh hysterically at it." He glanced toward the screen. "What's so funny about porn?"

"Everything! Dude, it has absolutely no point!!" Kenny exclaimed. "It's two or more idiots who get together for mindless fucking that they think is 'hot'! You know all the porn movies and shit? All the plotlines are so freaking retarded!" he started laughing. "And the positions are so fucking cliche! That's not even how you really have sex!'

Craig just raised an eyebrow. Kenny sighed happily. "Man, there's nothing better after a long day than watching two dumbasses go at it, and just _laugh_."

"...o--kay..." Craig made as if to move away, but Kenny grabbed his arm.

"Wait, wait! You haven't even seen the best ones yet!!"

"Uh...no thanks."

Kenny whipped out an entire pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, waving it tantalizingly in front of Craig's face. "These babies say 'yes, thanks'."

Craig snatched them from the blonde's grasp, taking one out and lighting it up before pocketing the rest. "Yes, thanks. But I swear to God, Kenny, you try anything and I'll rip your head off. I ain't jacking you off."

"Yuck." Kenny laughed at the threat. "You already do that to Tweek; I don't want anybody's sloppy seconds."

"Who're you calling a sloppy second?"

"You."

Craig frowned. "Wait a minute, that makes no sense."

"Exactly." Kenny pressed a button on the touch screen, going to his videos, where he scrolled down a _very_ large list.

"Jesus Christ, is that all porn?" Craig asked, astounded.

"Nah, most of it's just stupid shit I taped myself." Kenny said absently. Craig decided to ignore what could possibly catch Kenny's attention enough for him to tape it. The blonde glanced at him, a sly grin on his face. "I think I have the perfect one for you."

He picked a video, fast-forwarding it. "Hold up, the good part's over here." Pressing play, he handed it to Craig. the raven's eyes widened.

"Holy crap!"

Kenny chuckled. "Hell yeah, my man. Hell to the yeah. I don't laugh at _that_."

Craig turned the iPod a little to the side, tilting his head as if to get a better look. "Dude...that's kinda..."

"Hot? Kenny suggested. "Sexy? Freaking amazing? So fucking delicious I wanna jizz my pants?"

"...yeah." Craig said finally. He looked at Kenny. "Why do you have _gay_ porn on your iPod?"

Kenny laughed, patting Craig's back. "Because I'm insatiable, and I'm not satisfied with only 51% of the world's population."

"Jesus, Kenny."

"Nope, haven't got him yet. But who knows, after a lot of alcohol, people do things they thought they never would..." He trailed off suggestively, prompting Craig to punch him in the shoulder.

"Goddammit, I'm right next to you! When you get struck by freaking lightning, I'ma get fried too!"

"Alright, alright! I'll stick to mortals!" Kenny giggled." He poked Craig's shoulder. "How you liking your twink?"

"Tweek?" Craig asked, confused. Kenny burst out laughing.

"Oh yeah, he's the perfect definition! Nice one!"

"No, no, wait a minute, what? What'd you say?" Craig asked.

Kenny calmed himself down. "Heh...do you even know what a twink is?"

"No."

"Okay, compare someone like...Big Gay Al and to someone like Tweek and Butters. All of them gay, but only those cute little blondes are twinks."

"Oh." Craig said, realization dawning on him. He looked back at the screen, a grin on his face. "Hell yeah, I'm liking my twink."

"Heh heh, I'm sensing a double meaning there..." Kenny waggled his eyebrows. Craig chuckled but said nothing, keeping his eyes on the iPod screen. There was a moment of silence, then Kenny laughed again. Craig glanced at him.

"I thought you said you didn't laugh at this."

"I'm not." Kenny smirked. "Dude, imagine Tweek in one of those."

Craig thought for a second, a perverse grin on his lips. "Fuck, that would be hot." He glared at Kenny. "But not with some fucking stranger!"

Kenny put up his hands in surrender. "No, no, you can keep your little boyfriend. Hell," he laughed. "I'm just imagining you and Tweek in that."

Craig snorted. "Phht, your imagination's got nothing on us."

"Oh really?" Kenny grinned, but his attention was diverted as Craig pointed to the screen.

"We've done that."

"What?!" Kenny grabbed the iPod, looking at the specific position. "There's no way Tweek can do that."

Craig grinned maliciously. "Oh, but he can. He's a flexible little bastard."

Kenny gasped and grabbed Craig's shoulders. "Oh my God, I have an idea!!"

The raven looked at Kenny warily, suspicious of the sudden glint in the blonde's eyes. "...what?"

"We should totally make a porno!!"

Craig smacked him on the head. "Goddammit, Kenny, I told you not to try any shit with me!"

Kenny smacked him back. "No, you chain-smoking bastard, I meant you and Tweek! I can totally tape it!"

Craig stared at him, "What?"

"Yeah! We can just meet up at one of our houses and make sure no one's home! It'll be awesome!!"

"Dude, there's no way we're doing that just so you can put it up on the internet, you sick freak."

"I don't wanna put it up on the internet, I just wanna make it!" Kenny was working himself into a frenzy, his eyes shining. "Oh my God, It'll be awesome! Come on, Craig, you know you at least want to try it out, man!"

Craig narrowed his eyes. "You're not on anything, are you?"

"No, dipshit!"

The raven sighed. "Kenny, it doesn't matter if I want to or not, there's _no fucking way_ Tweek'll agree to it."

"And how do you know?" The blonde demanded.

"Are you seriously asking me this? This is _Tweek_, for fuck's sake! I had to wait four fucking months before I could kiss him, _in private_, without him spazzing out on me!"

Kenny whistled. "Daaaaaamn. You're a helluva more patient than me. Don't see how you ever got him in bed." He pouted. "Come on, can't you at least ask? Think of it as your own little home movie, a really hot one starring you and Tweek."

Craig rolled his eyes, but he was definitely interested. It sounded dirty and perverse, but amazingly tempting. Who knew the idea of making a porno would be be so exhilarating?

He shook his head. "No, no I can't ask him that."

"I'll buy you cigarettes for an entire month."

The raven gave Kenny a side long glance. "You don't have the money."

Kenny held up the iPod. "Dude. Hello, four hundred dollar iPod in my hand? I have money."

"Which I don't want to know how you got." Craig hesitated, clearly wavering. "Dammit, fine. But I'm only asking! I'm not pressing anything on him. And you still have to buy them if he says no."

"If he says no, I'll buy them for half a month." Kenny countered. Craig sighed in defeat.

"Fine."

"Fucking sweet!!" Kenny crowed in triumph, pumping a fist in the air. Craig sighed again.

"Dammit, I really have to quit smoking."

* * *

**A/N:** XDDDDDDDDD Lol, sorry, if they seem too OOC, especially to you Tension readers. Yeah, I was bored, cut me a break. Heh, yes, I laugh at porn. Don't ask me why. I just do. It kinda scares all my other friends, but seriously! COme on!! It has no freakin' point!! It's so damn cliche, how could you not laugh at it?!

I already know somebody who's like me (heh heh, you know who you are, my lovely sadist) but does anyone else do that? Not to pry or anything, but come on. How many of you laugh at porn? Raise your hands people!

Don't worry, I'm hard at work on the other chapters of this. It'll probably be a three-parter. Nearly done with the second part!!!


	2. Yes Or No?

Yes, I know how much you people have been waiting, so here it is!! Another chapter of my perverted fantasy!! Lol, I surprise even myself sometimes. How many other people have ever written about this?! Probably none! (I hope XD)

I want to thank Ailonx and moonlight goddess21 for being the first to fave it, and trulybliss08 for being the first to review this. Seriously, girl? I wanna lay _you_ by the fire!! XDDD And the people who review but do it anonymously? I want you guys to make yourself a profile and review again just so I can express my gratitude to you for reviewing!! Come on, what is a writer without her faithful fans? Nothing, I say, nothing!!

**Warning: This is just an explosion of the word 'fuck' XDD, especially for Craig.**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own South Park. (sob)  
**

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**II. Yes Or No?**

*****

Craig waited with Kenny outside of the school gate for Tweek to arrive. Students milled around them as they left for cars and buses, or just walked home. He sighed. While he liked the idea, he just _knew_ Tweek wouldn't, especially the thought of _Kenny_ being the one to watch and tape it.

Soon he could see Tweek moving in the crowd, his bright yellow hair a beacon. He called out to the slender blonde, and Tweek made his way over to him, eyes darting around nervously in the mass of people. Craig slipped an arm around his waist when he got close enough, feeling Tweek relax against him when he pulled the coffee-addict closer.

"Hey Tweekers." The raven murmured, bending down to give him a quick kiss on the lips. Tweek blushed, muttering a tiny 'hello'. It still amused Craig to see how shy Tweek was, after all of the things they had done.

A wolf whistle caught their attention.

"Awww, now wasn't that the cutest thing ever?" Kenny laughed, a playful smirk on his face. Craig flipped him off lazily as Tweek shrieked, whirling around to face Kenny.

"_Gah!! Sweet Jesus!!_" Tweek quivered next to Craig like a child hiding behind its mother's skirts. "K-Kenny! _Augh_, what...w-what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you?" Kenny chuckled.

Tweek looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. "What?! W-why?!"

Craig decide to step in. "Calm down, Tweek. He's just..tagging along with me for a bit. I kinda wanted to...to ask you something, and well, Kenny's kinda involved."

"Oh." Tweek visibly relaxed. He took a gulp of the coffee in his ever-present thermos. "What -_ngh_- i-is it?"

"Maybe you want to ask him in a more _private_ setting?" Kenny suggested. Craig nodded.

"Yeah. Hey, Tweek, will your parents mind if you come over for a bit? You know mine don't care who I have over."  
Tweek shook his head. "Th-they won't -_erk_- m-mind."

"Alright!" Kenny beamed, jumping between them and throwing an arm around both of their shoulders. "Let's get going!"

Tweek shrieked at the unfamiliar contact and Craig pushed Kenny away, once again tugging Tweek back to his side. Kenny pouted.

"Aww, y'all are so cold. Where's _my_ love?"

"It's on the corner." Craig grinned. Kenny clutched at his chest.

"You wound me, brother!"

"Shut up." Craig scoffed as Tweek giggled his hiccupy laugh. They stared walking away from the school, Tweek chattering about all the horrible things that could have happened in school, Craig listening patiently, and Kenny just listening to music on his iPod. They reached Craig's house, going down to the basement where all of his games were set up. Kenny plopped down on one of the two couches, spreading out on it.

"Hey, this is nice, man. If your parents don't care who you have over, you mind if I come here every once in a while?"

Craig shrugged. "Whatever. Any day you want."

Tweek sat down on the other couch. "So, what's the -_ngh_- q-question you wanna ask?"

Craig hesitated. Sheesh, how do you go about asking your boyfriend to make a porno with you? "Well, y'see...I was skipping second and...Kenny...uhh, I wanted to..."

"We want you to make a porno with us!!" Kenny interrupted, grinning.

"_What?!_"

"Kenny!" Craig yelled. "Goddammit, I wanted to break it to him gentle!!"

Kenny shrugged, that shit-eating grin still on his face. "Whoops."

Tweek was pale, clearly hyperventilating, his small body trembling madly. Craig knew he was either gonna pass out, or go paranoid-spaz on all of them.

"W-what?!" He squeaked. He shot up, pointing to them frantically. "Oh my God!! The aliens! _Gah!! Ngh_, th-the aliens replaced you, didn't they?! _Impostors!!_"

Yup, spaz. "Tweek, we're not aliens." Craig sighed, flipping him off. "A real alien wouldn't jeopardize his identity by flipping off his boyfriend, it would raise too many suspicious questions. So obviously, I'm not an alien."

Tweek relaxed. "Oh. Y-you're right. Th-that'd never happen." He pointed to Kenny. "How d-do we -_ngh_- know _he's_ not one?!"

"I'm not a fucking alien!" Kenny protested.

"_Gah!! That's what an alien would say!!"_ Tweek shrieked. He narrowed his eyes. "We -_ngh_- have t-to kill him."

"What?!"

Tweek ignored Kenny's exclamation, saying, "_Augh_, everyone knows K-Kenny's the only one who can -_ngh_- c-come back to l-life. We have t-to kill him, and see if h-he comes -_ngh_- b-back!!"

"I'm not an alien, dammit!"

"_See?! He is one!!"_

Craig reached over, slapping the tops of their heads lightly. Kenny glared at him, and Tweek rubbed his head, pouting at Craig reproachfully. Both were quiet though, and that's what Craig wanted.

"Kenny is _not_ an alien." The raven stated, holding up a hand as Tweek opened his mouth. "Would I lie to you about something like that, Tweekers?"

The coffee-addict looked down. "No..." He muttered.

"Alright, there we go. None of us are alien impostors."

There was silence.

"B-but..." Tweek hesitated. "A...a p-porno?" He asked, embarrassed to even be saying the word.

Craig sighed, sitting down on the couch that Tweek had so recently vacated in his paranoid accusations. "Well, me and Kenny were talking, and he kinda put it into my head that it would be fun to try it out. And he would be the one, y'know, tapin' it and stuff."

Tweek looked at them "Y'all are -_ngh_- a b-bunch of perverts."

"Aw, come on, Tweekie!" Kenny butted in. "You can't say it's not tempting! Imagine, Craig doing all sorts of hot things to you, and having it on disc or something. Wouldn't it be so cool?!"

Tweek blushed and Kenny jumped at the chance, throwing himself down at Tweek's feet.

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease!! This would be the bestest thing I've ever made, I could totally die happy after it!!"

"You die all the time." Craig pointed out. "And get away from Tweek, you mooch." Tweek was looking torn, and the raven sighed. "You don't have to say yes, y'know. It's just me and Kenny being perverted."

"NO! You haveta say yes!!" Kenny got up on his knees, hugging Tweek around the middle and burying his face in the blonde's belly. "Craig won't do it if you don't agree! He's a cold-hearted bastard!"

"Uh..." Was the only thing Tweek could say.

"All I want is one good thing to my name, and Craig won't let me have it!" Kenny whined.

"The one good thing to your name is a porno?" Craig muttered. Kenny ignored him, still holding onto Tweek.

"_Please_, Tweek! Won't you give a poor, white trash, death-prone boy his only wish? You're the only person I can turn to! The only nice person with a bit of kindness in their soul!" He looked up pleadingly at Tweek. "I'll love you forever and ever and _ever_, Tweekie!"

Tweek hesitated, twitching nervously in Kenny's embrace. He didn't really associate with Kenny; all he knew was that he and Craig seemed to be okay friends. Kenny was always laughing and cracking perverted jokes whenever Tweek saw him with Stan, Kyle and Cartman, and he didn't seem like a bad guy.

But a porno? Not only was it the weirdest and most perverse request he had ever been asked, but come on! Doing it alone with Craig was one thing, but _Kenny_ being the one to tape it? No way! He'd rather be held hostage by the gnomes!

Still though, Kenny had some very pretty blue eyes, and Tweek was being subjected top the full force of his puppy eyes. He looked so adorable, like a cute little animal. Maybe this was why all the girls liked him, Tweek thought.

Kenny _did_ die all the time, and Tweek had always thought it to be a little sad. What if Kenny never died happy? This could be his only chance, and Tweek didn't want it to be his fault that Kenny died a miserable, sad, lonely death.

And it _did_ sound just the teensiest bit tempting...

"Oh my God." Craig said suddenly, prompting both of them to look at him. The raven was starting at Tweek incredulously. "You're thinking about it. You're actually, seriously thinking about it."

"Really?!" Kenny's gaze snapped up to Tweek. "Are you really?"

Tweek fidgeted nervously. "_Nhhh_...n-no one else is -_ngh_- g-gonna see this...right?"

"OhmyfuckingGodIloveyou!!" Kenny shrieked, shooting up to give Tweek a proper hug. Tweek squealed in shock as Kenny lifted him up, twirling him around in a circle, and the coffee-addict latched onto Kenny like a tick, his voice high and panicked.

"_OhmyGodohmyGod!! Gah!!_ _D-don't drop me! Don't drop -ngh- m-me!! My brain'll get -augh- scrambled a-and I'll die!! Gah!! I don't wanna DIE!!"_

Kenny stopped, laughing at Tweek's terrified squeals. Craig scowled as he came closer, flipping Kenny off and tugging gently at Tweek. Tweek gladly traded the blonde for the raven, almost jumping onto Craig and wrapping his arms and legs around him, burying his face in the other's neck.

"Craig! K-Kenny's a meanie! I d-don't -_ngh_- w-wanna do it anymore!"

Kenny's eyes widened and he darted around Craig to face Tweek.

"No, no, no, no! I'm sorry Tweek, I'm so, so, so, sorry!! I won't do it again, I promise! I seriously promise, just please don't say no!!"

There was a pause, then came Tweek's voice.

"Beg o-on -_ngh_- your knees."

"...what?"

"_Augh!_ O-on your knees!"

"Alright, alright!!" Kenny dropped to his knees behind Craig, staring up pleadingly at Tweek, hands clasped together. "Please, Tweekie?"

Tweek peeked over Craig's shoulder, looking down at Kenny, who was doing a very cute pouting thing.

"...kiss C-Craig's butt."

"_What?!_" Kenny and Craig exclaimed simultaneously. The raven scowled at Tweek.

"What the hell, Tweek, Kenny is _not_ kissing my--"

Before he could get any father, a pair of hands gripped him tightly on his sides, almost making him fall over as he was pulled back, feeling a pressure on his butt. He jumped forward, yelling, Tweek laughing hysterically.

"Fuck it, Kenny, what the hell?! Jesus fucking Christ, I don't want your fucking diseases!!" Craig dumped the laughing Tweek on the couch, trying to wipe his ass. "Sick, man, I can still fucking feel it!!"

Kenny ignored him, moving on his knees toward Tweek, who was still laughing. "Come on, Tweek! I just kissed ass! For you!_ Please_ say yes!!"

"O-okay, okay!" Tweek choked out, his face red.

"_Yes!!_" Kenny shot up, jumping up and down. "Fuck yeah, man, epic win!!" He turned to Craig. "Dude, your ass if a freakin' good luck charm!! It's a South Park Blarney Stone!!"

"Shut the fuck up." Craig grumbled, flipping him off. Tweek's laughter eventually dissolved into little giggles as he took a drink from his thermos, which he had somehow kept a hold on through this entire episode. Perching on the couch's armrest, Kenny grinned.

"Alright, we need a time and place. But not my house."

"Why not your house?" Craig asked. Kenny just rolled his eyes.

"Uh, because my house is a shithole? Duh."

Both Craig and Tweek were silent. Neither of them wanted to agree, but they didn't want to _dis_agree either.

"Sooo..." Kenny continued. "It should be on a weekend. This weekend would be perfect, in fact. It gives me some time to get some stuff ready."

"_Ngh_...w-what kinda stuff?" Tweek asked nervously. Kenny grinned wider.

"Nothing you need to worry about until the weekend. All you have to do is take a bath before you get there. You gotta be clean before you get down and dirty." A chuckle crept out of the taller blonde's throat. He leaned back on the armrest. "So, Saturday at noon all right with you? I don't have anything to do from then on."

Craig looked at Tweek, then back at Kenny, nodding. "I guess it's okay. You, Tweekers?"

Tweek hesitated, then nodded as well.

"Perfect." Kenny smiled. There was a pause, then Tweek's voice ventured out.

"...umm, w-where..._ngh_, w-where're we gonna meet?"

Kenny thought for a minute, then grinned viciously, a truly sadistic glint in his eye. Tweek shivered and Craig almost took a step back.

"Heh, I know the _perfect_ place."

* * *

**A/N: **LOL!! Anyone got any guesses as to where it's gonna be? Tell me please!! I wanna know!! Tweek had an evil moment there XD

I wanna give thanks to these people for reviewing:

trulybliss08 (have you guys been on her profile? Her Creek stories are fucking amazing!!! Read them!!)  
kyleisgod (I hope you liked Tweek's reaction!)  
Together we're Invincible (thanks for complimenting!)  
kass  
kenlynn  
EpicInTheLibrary (no, you are epic, girl, you are epic!)  
thesecretgiraffe (Lol, I bet that twink is amazing in bed!! XDDD)  
Sketch me up pretty (Lol, you didn't have to wait long, did you?)  
Fanficitonlover4allfiction (girl you always make my day!!)  
zeromotion (sweet Jesus, have I told you how much I love you!!???)  
yaoilover1013 (God I love you! You better not miss Monday, girl, or I'll hunt you down!)

I love all you guys!!!! (I think I'm on a freakin' sugar high!!)


	3. Lights, Cameras, Action!

Lol, last chapter guys!! Last one!! Read on and enjoy!!!

**Disclaimer: Me no ownie South Park.**

**Warnings: Lotta f-bombs in here, and the fact that you're gonna laugh your ass off!!**

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**III. Lights, Cameras, Action!!**

*****

Saturday came by quickly, and all too soon Craig, Kenny and Tweek were in front of a certain house, one certain perverted blonde carrying a video camera in one hand and a large duffel bag slung over one shoulder. Kenny lead them to the front door, deftly picking the lock and opening the door, brazenly strutting in.

Tweek was totally freaking out.

"_Augh!!_ Oh, sweet -_ngh_- Jesus!! W-what if we -_ngh_- g-get caught?1 We're totally _not_ s-supposed to be here! He'll k-k-kill us!!"

"Relax, Tweekers, he's not even here." Kenny chuckled. "He went to go do shit; I know for a fact he won't be home for _hours_. We're totally in the clear."

Tweek didn't look completely satisfied, but a reassuring hug from Craig calmed him down somewhat. Kenny locked the front door, and they all trooped up to the bedroom, Kenny once again locking the door and dropping the duffel bag. Craig glanced at it suspiciously, going over to examine it.

"Dude, what is all this stuff?"

"Things." Kenny grinned. Craig rooted around in it, frowning as he pulled something out. "What the fuck are we gonna do with a...tennis racquet?"

"We'll find some use for it, don't worry." The taller blonde smirked, fiddling with the camera. Tweek was looking around nervously, sipping his coffee in loud, anxious jerks and trying not to freak out. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

"Alright--" Kenny began, only to be cut off by Tweek's sudden shriek. The twitchy blonde clamped a hand over his mouth, flushing in embarrassment.

"...sorry."

"S'okay." Kenny waved it off. "Anyway, just so you know, I'm gonna have to get close during certain scenes, y'know, for cumshots or whatever."

Tweek squealed, blushing, and Craig rolled his eyes. "Jesus, man, you make it sound so dirty."

Kenny laughed, looking at them and holding up the camera to face them. "Okay, how do you wanna start?"

"_Gah!!_ W-what?!" Tweek twitched nervously. "J-just like th-that?!" Oh God, maybe this really wasn't such a good idea...what would the others say if he said he didn't want to do this anymore?

Kenny thought for a minute. "You're right. We don't wanna start off with just a sex scene. This isn't gonna be some stupid porno, I want this to be amazing, something really cool and funny."

"You want this to be funny?" Craig interrupted, scowling darkly. "What the fuck, are you just planning to laugh at this?"

"No, no, that's not it! Dude, you don't get it." Kenny waved at both of them. "You two are so goddamn cute, and I want that to show through, I don't want this to be stupid meaningless sex. I want it to be real, something emotional, something that really makes you feel something, even if it is just to jack off."

There was silence.

"That's alot of thought for just a porno." Craig said finally, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, y'know, after all the cutesy stuff, we can skip straight to the dirty, kinky sex fun." Kenny grinned, causing Craig to roll his eyes again.

"You're something else, Kenny." He sighed.

"That I am, my boy, that I am." Kenny chuckled. He turned to Tweek, who had been watching this exchange in twitchy silence. "Okay, Tweekie, I can pretty much see you're feeling nervous, so let's take it slow." He directed to camera toward himself, pressing the record button.

"_Hellooooo_, people!! You are now watching Kenny McCormick's awesome, hot, sweaty, fucking amazing porno!!"

"Jesus Christ, Kenny." Craig muttered. Kenny turned the camera toward the raven.

"Let's have our cast of characters! Here's...Craig!!"

Craig flipped the camera off, scowling, and Kenny laughed. "Sunshine and daisies, this one! He's lucky he's so hot! Now...Tweek!!" He turned it to Tweek, who shrieked. "Yup, our lovable little coffee-addict! No, he is _not_ on crack, he's just had too much coffee. The little guy loves the stuff! Ain't that right, Tweekie?"

"..._ngh_, y-yeah." Tweek ventured a shaky smile. This wasn't so bad...

"Awww, ain't he adorable?" Kenny chuckled, laying the camera on top of the dresser so it still had a good shot of Tweek.

"Alright, Craig, out!" With a strength and speed no one thought he had, Kenny unlocked and opened the room door, shoving Craig out and slamming it shut in his face, locking it again.

"What the fuck, Kenny?!!" Craig yelled, pounding on the door. He could hear Tweek's startled squeals inside, squeaking something along the lines of "No -_gah!!_- s-stop it Kenny! No, I don't wanna!!" What the hell was Kenny doing to his Tweek!?! A few moments and Tweek screams later, the door opened and a raging Craig barreled inside, ready to strangle that perverted blonde bastard until the life left those fucking eyes of his and he stopped breathing. His jaw dropped.

Tweek was standing in the middle of the room, wearing a thin, see-through lacy black robe that came just below his butt, the sleeves hanging over his trembling hands and he tried vainly to tug the hem lower. A pair of black floppy bunny ears were attached to his head, flipping over his blushing face, and Craig could clearly see the silky black panties Kenny had fitted him in.

Holy fucking Jesus, Kenny was a _god_.

As he tackled Tweek onto the bed, Kenny allowed himself a small grin.

Oh yeah. Let the fun begin.

* * *

When Craig was finally calm enough to stop ravaging Tweek senselessly, Kenny started tossing him things from the duffel bag to use to Craig's full creative extent. Which happened to be alot, actually.

And yes, they did find a use for that tennis racquet.

Kenny, personally, was amazed at how imaginative Craig was. Fuzzy handcuffs didn't just have to be used to restrain the hands, and the fact that Tweek could even move that way was astounding to say the least. Who knew Tweek could be in that position and still find a way to lean backwards to kiss Craig? Certainly not Kenny, and he'd thought he'd seen it all.

He'd definitely have to give Satan and his newest boytoy a couple of pointers next time on his Hell visit.

But either way, this was different than normal oh-my-God-I-wanna-laugh-my-ass-off-porn. This was pretty...hot. And it was turning Kenny on.

Just a little.

* * *

They were in the middle of a scene involving oranges, duct tape and a stepladder, when Kenny just had to ask.

Stepping closer to make sure he had a good shot of Craig, he asked casually,

"So, Craig...I can have some..._fun_ with this later, right?"

Tweek gave a half-muffled squeak at the question, and Craig glared at Kenny, spitting out the orange slice he had (rightfully) won.

"Do it, and _die_."

"Hmph, fine." Kenny muttered, concentrating back on his camera. _I'll just make myself a copy later anyways. Ha, take that, Tucker._

They finally wrapped it all up and cleaned the place at about four thirty, and soon Kenny was jumping up and down outside in happiness.

"Yes, dammit! Fucking God, _yes_!!" He laughed hysterically. "The passion! The hotness! The flippin' amazing kinky sexiness of Tweek in nothing but a damn apron! I love my life, dammit! You hear me God?!" He stepped forward, throwing his hands up to the sky. "_I LOVE MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!_"

Craig and Tweek both looked up expectantly. Nothing happened.

"Huh. You think that would been the perfect time for something to come along and kill you." Craig commented. "Or at least some lightning."

At that moment, a car driving by suddenly popped a tire, losing control and swerving straight toward Kenny.

"Holy shit!!" Kenny barely managed to jump back out of the way, and the car shrieked right past him, crashing into a nearby tree. Kenny flipped off the sky.

"Ha! What now, suckers?! What the fuck now?!"

"Dude... not such a good idea..." Craig warned him, his point only accentuated by the agreeing squeak Tweek gave him. Kenny laughed.

"Alright, alright. Now, I gotta get home so I can edit this and burn you guys a disc, okay? See ya!" He strode off, dodging a randomly thrown knife aimed at his head, duffel bag in one hand and whistling a merry tune.

Tweek stared nervously after him. "M-maybe we s-shouldn't've -_ngh_- l-let him take it..."

"...maybe." Craig looked at him. "...do you think Kenny'll let you keep that black lace thing? You looked pretty sexy in it."

The blonde blushed, chugging down the rest of his coffee. "D-d-don't say stuff -_gah_- l-like that!! _Augh!!_ I-it's too much pressure!!" He looked down at his empty thermos. "...b-buy me some more c-coffee?"

"Sure."

As they started walking to the nearest coffee shop, Tweek spoke up again.

"...w-when do y'think w-we'll -_erk_- g-get it?"

"Dude, I have no idea."

* * *

**A/N: **Yup, that's it. I know, I know, crappy ending or whatnot, but whatever. Suck it up. That was all I got for this story, it just ran dry. Quell your disappointed cries, they fall on deaf ears!!!

No more!

Nada!

The fucking end!!

....

....

....

Nah, I'm just fucking with you! XDDDDD The best part is yet to come!! Read on my pets!!!

Happy April Fool's Day!!

* * *

Kenny gave them the finished product the next day, and even Tweek was pleased with the result. The coffee-addict would even go as far to say he was actually a little proud of himself. Both Kenny and Craig thought he was the sexiest thing ever. And hell yeah, that was a total self-esteem booster.

Craig was still just trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Tweek had actually gone along with it.

The raven was walking aimlessly down the street a week later, heading over to Tweek's house. He'd just gotten the new Final Fantasy game, and he was itching to play it with his twitchy boyfriend.

A yell from behind caught his attention.

"Craig!! Oh my God, Craig!!!"

He turned around, and Kenny almost slammed into him, grabbing onto the front of his shirt and shaking him roughly. Kenny's eyes were wide, his face flushed with excitement and his voice completely feverish.

"Craig, you won't believe it! You won't fucking believe it! Holy fucking shit, _I_ still can't believe it! Sweet fucking Jesus, we're famous! We're fucking famous! Fucking mother of God, dude, people are talking about the Golden Dickie Awards, man! This is big, this is _fucking big_!!!"

"Jesus Christ, man, calm the fuck down!!" Craig pushed Kenny off of him, keeping him at arm's length. "What the fuck did you smoke?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"What the hell is _wrong_? You mean the hell is _right_!!" Kenny laughed madly. "Everything is right!! Every fucking goddamn thing is right! We're fucking immortal!!"

"...dude. Breathe. Just breathe a little." Craig advised him warily. "Alright, what's made everything 'right'? Why're we immortal?"

Kenny made a visible effort to calm down, taking deep breaths until he was reasonably still. But the eyes that gazed at Craig were still glazed with feverish triumph.

"Okay, okay. So after I gave you the disc with your porno stuff on it, I went online to update my blog, because I was feeling pretty damn happy--"

"Wait a minute." Craig interrupted. "You have a blog?"

"Yeah, yeah,it's just something I do on my free time, y'know just to put down my thoughts and shit." Kenny said absently, waving it away. "But anyway!! I was uploading one of my videos, a really cute one between Stan and Kyle over by the park, but the thing was, I uploaded the wrong one! I was supposed to put up 0122, not 0211, and I accidentally put up your porno!"

"You stupid son of a bitch!" Craig exploded. "What the fuck, it was supposed to be private, dammit!! You stupid fucker, it was for us, not the entire fucking internet!!" He sighed angrily, taking off his blue hat to run a hand irritably through his hair, clearly trying not to kill Kenny. "Okay, but no one reads your blog, right? You realized your mistake, took it off, and no one knew about it, _right?!_"

Kenny looked completely unfazed by Craig's anger,a wide grin parting his lips. "Dude. No. I didn't know until today, cuz I didn't check it until today, and oh my fucking God, you won't believe it--"

"You won't believe how easily I'm going to snap your neck, Kenny!" Craig roared. Kenny grabbed his shirt, bringing him in close.

"Three million hits."

"I don't _care_ how ma--what?" Craig stopped suddenly, his eyes widening. "...say again?"

"Three fucking million hits. In one week." Kenny was breathing heavily again. "That's more than Brent Corrigan's first video ever got, and look where the fuck he is now!!! I got a message from Micheal Lucas, Micheal _fucking_ Lucas, saying he wants to buy the shit!! Holy mother of fucking God, we're fucking famous!! We could go on to the Grabbys!! Win the fucking awards of '10!!! Shit, man, people are talking about giving you and Tweek a fucking Golden Dickie!!! _Don't you fucking get it, Craig?!_ We've reached fucking famous IMMORTALITY!!!"

"...oh my God." Craig's mind was in a whirl. Three million people had seen the video. He didn't know what the hell a Grabby or a Golden Dickie was, and he didn't give a fuck as to who Brent Corrigan and Micheal Lucas were, but they sounded important, and by the way Kenny was talking, it _was_ amazing. He could already feel his heart race in excitement. Holy shit, when Tweek found out ab--

Oh shit.

Tweek.

Craig grabbed Kenny's shoulders. "Dude. Dude. You're gonna have to show me this in person, cuz this is just way too much."

"Yeah, yeah!" Kenny nodded eagerly. "Oh God, I still can't believe it! I was commented on by Micheal Lucas!! My freaking life is complete, man!!"

"But!!" Craig interrupted him, cutting him off. "Tweek can't find out, man. EVER."

Kenny froze. "Tweek. Oh my God, he'll freak the fuck out."

"Yeah, exactly." Craig agreed. "So, not a word about th--"

"_CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIG!!!!!"_

"Oh fuck."

Tweek came screaming up the street, face flushed, waving his thermos around like a madman. Barreling into Craig, he cuddled viciously into him, trembling violently.

"Oh my God, th-the people, _gah!!_ Th-the people, a-a-all staring, coffee, g-gonna go -_ngh_- t-t-to the store, people, _augh!!_ Staring, guys wh-wh-whistling, don't know how th-they -_ngh_- know me, watching me, saying s-s-stuff about me!!!" He looked up at Craig, panicked and hyperventilating. "_Gah!!_ C-Craig!! Th-they know!! They fucking know!!! _They're after me, man! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW?!!?_"

"Uhh...." Craig looked to Kenny for guidance, but all he saw was a flash of orange taking off down the street.

"GODDAMMIT KENNY, GET BACK HERE!!!"

Craig sighed, trying to think of a way to break the news to the panicked Tweek. This was gonna take a while.

* * *

"Dude, did you hear?"

Kyle walked up to Stan and Cartman sitting on the park bench. Stan looked up at him, curious.

"No, man, what?"

"Kyle, you stupid Jew, I'm bored! Entertain me!" Cartman demanded. Kyle glared at him.

"Fuck off, fatasss."

"Ay! I'm not fat, dammit!" Cartman whined. "Man, this is so fucking boring! Kenny's not here, so I can't even rip on his po' ass! This is weak, man! What the hell are we doing here, anyway?!"

"Dude, no, I didn't hear, what is it?" Stan tried to catch Kyle's attention.

"Oh yeah. Apparently, Tweek and Craig made a porno with Kenny."

"What?!" Cartman bolted up. "There's no way them two faggots did something _that_ gay!"

"I'm totally serious! It's all over the internet! People are calling it the hottest thing ever made!" Kyle said. Stan looked astounded.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, no joke."

Cartman groaned. "I'm drowning in faggotry."

Stan looked thoughtful. "Dude, I wanna see it."

"What?" Cartman looked scandalized. "You actually _want_ to go look at that faggotfest? I don't wanna see some twitchy freak getting boned by his loser boyfriend!"

"Dude, if they're calling it the hottest thing ever, and _Tweek, Craig, _ and _Kenny_ made it, it's gotta be something." Stan shrugged. "It's not like I'm gonna get off on it."

"Well, I was actually thinking about looking at it too," Kyle said. "But I can't at my house."

"Why not?"

"Dude, Stan, because my mother would flip shit if she ever found out I was looking at that kinda stuff." Kyle rolled his eyes. "Duh, she'd kill me."

"Oh, true." Stan nodded knowingly. "Well, we can't do it at my house; my mom hates me looking or talking about anything sexual after that Red Rocket shit."

They both looked at Cartman. The fat boy scowled. "Oh hell no, we are not watching that crap in my house..."

Kyle held up a twenty.

"...without popcorn." Cartman finished, snatching the money from Kyle's grasp.

"Sweet. Come on, man, I'm bored. We might as well go now." Stan stood up, stretching.

They walked the short distance to Cartman's house, the fatass yelling at his mom not to bother them and trooping up to his bedroom. Cartman sat in front of his computer, taking it out of the sleep mode and accessing the internet.

"Alright, Jew rat, how do we get there?"

Kyle reached over, bringing up Google and typing in 'Twinky Fun'. Cartman looked at it.

"What the hell is twinky fun?"

"I dunno. Apparently that's what people are calling it." Kyle shrugged. "Oh wait, here it is."

They all stared at the screen, looking at a grinning Kenny announcing the beginning of their amazing porno. Kyle looked down at the length.

"Holy crap, this thing is almost four hours long!!"

"Jesus Christ." Stan whistled.

Kenny made the introductions, and Cartman frowned. "Something's off about this, guys..."

"Whaddya mean?" Stan asked curiously. He laughed. "Tweek looks so nervous."

"Don't see how he had the balls to do this." Kyle added, chucking. Cartman continued to frown.

"Still something off..."

They had just reached the part when Craig tackled Tweek onto the bed when Cartman shot up, screaming.

"THOSE FUCKTARDS DID IT IN MY _ROOM!!!!"

* * *

_

**A/N:** I'm sorry, that was a low trick I used for April Fool's...but I'm still laughing my ass off. I hope you guys aren't too mad. And yes, it was in Cartman's room. Lol. XDDDDDD Take that, fatass!! Okjay, no more, seriously! I'm glad y'all follwed along on my perverted crap, thanks to all my reviewers!!! Just one thing though...

1) How many of you went to go look up the word 'twink'?

2) How many of you are gonna go look up the Grabby's, Golden Dickie Awards, Brent Corrigan and Micheal Lucas?

3) How many of you thought of something to do with oranges, duct tape and a stepladder? XDDDDDDD

Please review, if only to answer the questions!! I eagerly await your answers!!


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